Confessions of a tsundere

Recently, very recently, (anything after my last post is [ashamed] recent) a certain blogger, without mentioning any names but Krizzlybear, wrote about dating tsunderes and domestic violence, not exactly like that, but yes that.

I have my opinion on the mater of course, since I consider myself a tsundere and identify with them. I’m not defending them though.

So now where do I start… well first, I firmly believe that tsundere origins are (mostly) traumatic, childhood probably, if someone acts tsun-tsun (IRL not just joking) because they are imitating a character then please die (shinde kudasai weaboos)

Trying to explain it on “simple” terms a tsundereism is an active/aggressive way of acting or being shy, due to insecurity and mostly for self-preservation of ones feelings.

Disclaimer: I’m not responsible for your boredom if you decide to read on, the stories are bad explained, short and uninteresting, don’t expect much. I was very small back then (ten) so the stories are very childish and stupid but there is a reason for them to exist (hopefully) and I consider tsundereism kind of childish too so.

On a second thought, is hard to get my point across with this examples so please skip them. There is just my opinion in there, nothing about the victims’ crushes’ feelings or thoughts, only the self-centred tsundere’s (aka me) version of the facts, the only testimony available.

And if any of the victims ever comes across this post (Madoka forbid) and realizes I’m talking about them, well FML I’m not who you think I am, I come from Czechoslovakia.

Anyway to the tsun-tsun stories IGNORE EVERYTHING THAT HAS BEEN WRITTEN SO FAR IS IRRELEVANT

Once upon a time, the was a tsundere, who liked buys (didn’t know about bishies back then), she liked… any guy, like many girls on that age . The guy’s name was…… lets call him Blood-C , (because his name starts with C and because I’m not watching Blood-C). Anyway Blood-c was one year ahead of me. He and his classmates would play football (soccer) with us (our class). The first thing the basta… (ahem), I mean Blood-c, said too me was “You are really pretty”, I just looked down a blushed, and that was, probably, the only cute thing I did in front if him after that.

Tsundere mode on = crush doomed.

So what happened next? I was just looking for excuses to be near him and…. verbally abuse him, I don’t quite recall everything (anything) I said to him, but mostly where things like “I hate you”, “You are stupid”, “there is no way I’d like you” and so on, if course he would reply confidently saying things like “you are cute” and “I like you”…. he knew how to handle tsunderes, but of course he gradually got tired of it and just gave up.

Second story: the guy’s name is….. he had two names so lets call him Double-J (Because his first name started with J, and because I am not watching double-J either). Don’t ask how my Double-J crush started because, even though I remember, is way too embarrassing to write about it.

Double-J was on the same group as Blood-C (another senpai LOL) and were friends, the groups were really small so everyone was friends with each other.

So what did I do to him? I…. pulled his hair….. violently…… viciously….and…. hit him….frequently…..violently…… and viciously, he was kind enough to no take revenge or even try to defend himself against my abuse (my God bless him with a super amazing and romantic relationship the guy deserves it) of course he hated me afterwards, I was just a girl who enjoyed beating him up for no reason, who might also be the queen of domestic violence.

Story time over, I suddenly feel like in a confessional, maybe I should go back to angry birds…. I mean study.

We see it everyday, shy boys who pull the hair of the girl they like (hopefully not like I used to do it, that was hell of an embarrassing confession), or all sorts of tsundereisms, but gradually, with time this kids grow up, mature and become more confident with their feelings…. chat girls over and more become honest with themselves. However some others don’t, I call it immaturity but I think there is something more than that.

Random confessions.

  • The “love” feelings gave my a sense of insecurity.
  • I really enjoyed beating the guy up (back then), it gave me a feeling of superiority against the insecurity I had developed.
  • Thoughts like “He is just pretending to like me”, “This must be a joke for him”, “He might not be serious” were very recurrent.
  • The fear of being thought of as “easy” and or “disposable” was very frequent too.
  • I wanted them to hate me and prove I was “right” about them not really liking me.
  • I thought I was just playing difficult.
  • By the end of it I was very confused as of why they didn’t like me.

I don’t want to go into details, but I come from a “broken” family, so the reality of relationships failing, and men cheating on women was very present to me, even if not fully aware of it.

What happened afterwards is….. you can guess, my feelings were never acknowledged (sob) and they hated me (obviously). Eventually I realized what happened, and the reason I was never liked back (luckily no one of them were masochists), but changing one’s ways is really hard and troublesome but at least I don’t beat up handsome guys any more.

If this was an autobiography I would carry on, but almost 100 words is enough (also too long to not post damn ¬_¬) …. realizing I said nothing relevant at all.

Anyway too many words to not post so sorry person who might be reading this, it wasn’t my original intention, I wanted to put some pics but that might make it look less intimidating and somebody might dare to read it, so forget it and screw it.

11 thoughts on “Confessions of a tsundere

  1. Very dangerous person. Well, the good news is that I think as a tsundere matures they can cover up the tsun with a layer of kuudere; though if/when the tsun comes back out, there should be helmets.

    • That might be the case, but I still think that being a tsundere is similar to a kind of psychological disorder, since a person is left unable share her feelings.

      That’s why the origin of the tsundereism is usually a kind of trauma.

  2. Daawww, you even write like a tsundere! (Amongst other things, I like the tags. :P)

    As I might’ve mentioned to you before, I think, like Ghosty, I live with a tsundere. Though, unlike Ghosty, this is not through choice, haha!

    • Is so hard to be a tsundere, hard work… though for personal reasons (Taking Hana away from me) I don’t like “that” tsundere person that much.

      And thank you, (All tags are different though)

  3. I completely understand and it does piss me off when people say Tsunderes don’t work IRL. I wish someone could give us a chance.🙂 I have some trauma/relationship issues with my mother and thus the better I get to know someone (friends or love interests both) the more tsundere I act towards them. If you’ve been on TV Tropes- I could classify myself as a Type B more dere than tsun as my tsundere-ness shows only when they become closer (and thus, I become insecure and paranoid) and therefore I think “Oh! They’re going to leave me! I must now act like a bitch so they leave me because I was acting that way- not because of me personally!” (when I was younger though I was Type A/ pretty damn Yandere- though shades can still come out) Over time, I have come to realize that there is a way to pull of Tsundere-ish-ness IRL as I have been trying my best to do so. This doesn’t always work but even so most of my relationships have ended because of my being tsundere and breaking up with them with the excuse “They are too *insert bad personality trait here* I’ll find another boyfriend.” rather than the guy getting fed up with it. I found that physical abuse is a no,no unless it’s a light slap on the shoulder and when you call someone names try to make it sound as if you are joking (using LOL after it in a text, saying it with a smile on your face) and most of all, do not go overboard and know when you are being a bitch. Most of my tsun tsun-ness comes across when I’m irritated so I pretty much snap at everyone yet most people (guys) call me out on it and if you do go overboard try your best to be dere dere (and overall let the guy know that you are capable of being sweet) just to make up for it. I remember this one boy I liked in high school- he was a complete perv yet actually really lonely and most of it was out of desperation. At lunch, he was joking about those mail order bride things and I had been having a super bad day so I said (without joking) “You just like them because they’re the only chance you’ll ever have at getting married.” Yeah. Ouch. He actually cried (what a baby- i mean, poor guy lol) and since then I felt awful and I had not once acted tsun tsun towards him. Although he had a girlfriend we seemed to get along much better. I just believe that you have to be aware of when you’re being too tsun and borderline hurtful and when boys call you out on it; you’ve gotta be dere dere to the max.

    And sorry for the long reply, I guess I’m getting too into this. xD

    • What a long comment… not so good for the lazy me.

      Anyway, I will keep my words few.

      being a tsundere, and I’m taking about extremes here) is bad, is won’t work in real life, if you have issues, such as a trauma, you need to deal with them before hand. One thing is being shy, and act coldly because of it and another is having past trauma stopping you from conveying your feelings to other people.

      As a I said before, using violence and harshness to hide your shyness is really immature, is cute when little children do it because the don’t know any better, one you grow up you learn, sometimes the hard way, if you don’t convey your real feeling with words people will not understand you, they are no mind readers.

      I feel like I’m giving life advice here… so I’ll stop now. Also thanks for stopping by to comment, I guess you really felt identified, btw I’m sure I said it but I’ll say it again, I was 12 when that incident happen, I like to to think I’ve come a log way since then.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s